Lead Me

I have always prayed for people, praying exactly what they told me. "Pray for this, pray for that" they would say. Over and over again I have prayed the way my friends had instructed.

Lately, I have been convicted by that. My prayer for my friends is not for their desires to come but God's desires for them. Since God is the author of our lives I leave it to the author to lead them. Of course I pray for healing, restoration, etc. but I genuinely pray that God's will will be done.

Sometimes I feel that God doesn't answer our prayers because the very thing we want is the very thing that will ultimately be bad for us in the long run. We get frustrated and angry with God yet he is protecting us because he see's the future. He sees the road ahead.

Lead me, Lord, into your divine path and into your divine will for my life. Don't let me get in the way of your awesome plan!

Broken

I always thought I knew what it meant to be broken before our God until a couple of years ago when God put me directly where he wanted me; on my face before him. A severe brokenness that I would have never dreamed of and a severe brokenness that I wouldn't trade for the world. Many days I lied in anguish, literally on my face on my family room floor. Tears and tears flowed as I cried out to Abba to hear my desperate plea for help. The burden that I carried (and still carry) was more than humanly possible, or so I thought.

A wise scholar of Jesus once asked me, "Have you ever known of a prophet who hasn't been severely broken?" I thought about that comment over and over again. Why would a loving God want me to be in anguish? Why would he want me to be torn to shreds if he really cared about me, his child? If God is a God of mercy and grace then why am I so broken?

Now, the answer seems so easy. God was breaking me of me. He wanted me so torn, so dismantled that he could create me into the being he wanted me to be. He took away everything so I could only see him.

Transparency

If you know me at all, you know that I struggle with letting people into my life. Not just into my life, but the deepest core of who I am. My deepest thoughts, my passions, my feelings. I am a friend to most, but few really know what is on my heart.

When someone prophesied "they will read what you have written" it terrified me. "Why Lord, why do I have to share?" "What do I have to offer?" "I only have random thoughts, half of which make no sense to anyone but me!" These were the phrases that flooded my mind. "I am no one." "I have nothing to say." And that's when God said, "I have chosen you because YOU have nothing to offer but 'My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.'" 2 Cor 12:9a

If I have learned anything about our Lord it is to do what He says even when it doesn't make sense.

So, this is my journey as a blogger. To share the fullness and the power of God. To share his love even though it is so great you will never fully understand it (Ephesians 3:19a)